Somehow Surviving off of 25% of my Blood Volume 

Not only was I surviving. Besh…

I was lecturing, traveling, seeing clients, teaching, learning, meeting- all with a Hemoglobin OF THREE! A Hg of 5 is where many folks start to pass out and seize.

Yes, I felt like shit everyday- but I love my kids, so I kept pushing.

I love my work, so I kept pushing. I love moving my body, so I kept pushing.

I treated myself to rest: the hot springs, restorative retreats, the Korean spa, massage.

I thought it was pre-menopause, grief, and stress catching up with me.

I heard horror stories about being 40+ and figured- I guess they were right.

A part of this not thinking clearly and being tapped into intuition is a symptom of being sick itself.

I eat well, exercise, and use organic products inside and out.

With all the fruit, fermented foods, and organ meats I eat- there’s no way I thought I was anemic.

But what I didn’t know about my body was about to lay me TF down.

Losing a ton of blood happened gradually. I really didn’t notice at first.

It all started two years ago during a loss/abortion (IDK if it was the herbs or Plan B kicking in too late).

I bled out so much that I feared I’d bleed out in my sleep.

I remembered my abuela’s story of her postpartum: she felt so relaxed and sleepy.

ACTUALLY she was hemorrhaging.

If it weren’t for her friend who found her soaked in blood and alerted the hospital, then mi amá would’ve died.

I remembered how my abuela Olga had a pre-term stillbirth in the bathroom upstairs that happened so fast- she bled out and lost consciousness at the same time.

They broke down the door to save her.

I remembered birthing my sons, where my womb kept on bleeding despite womb massage, bimanual compression and herbs.

There’s an aloneness staring into my crimson blood.

No one is seeing this but me.

If this gets out of hand, who will know? I have no witness.

No one to rescue me. All these feelings in this deep red clot in the palm of my hand.

I feel helpless and disoriented.

My ex husband spent the night holding me while I painfully passed purple-red clumps, cramps, breathed deeply and winced in pain.

Gawd, he gets on my last nerve. But at least someone’ll be here for the kids in case I need to go to the ER.