If I die today 
I hope there’s a window 
in the afterlife
so that I can watch my kids grow up.

I hope there’s a megaphone 
to cheer them on 
when they need a boost.

I’ll need a conch shell
to blow in the wind 
so that they could circle together 
when life gets chaotic.

I’ll need a staff to guide them
walking before them on their journeys.
I’ll drop feathers for my kids as proof 
I’m protecting them
Always 

They’ll be like me
making fans and 
hairpins from my gifts.

In the afterworld
I hope there’s a train.

I’d take it through mountains and bridges 
to visit my beautiful babies, 
even if just for a moment

so that as my daughter brushes her hair 
in front of the mirror
I can still whisper 
sweet affirmations in her ear:

You’re intelligent.
You’re so strong!
You’re good.
You’re my talented baby girl!
You’re held
Loved
cherished.

Maybe in the afterlife
I’ll have more time 
to revel in my childrens’ worlds
Since I won’t have to reprimand

Demand chores
wake them up for school-
Itzix, wake up!
wake up, babies!! 
we gotta go!!!


Will the dog see me?
Would I freak out, Zazu?

If I die today
Eldest brother will become an adult.

I wish he wouldn’t have to
Be the most responsible
feel overwhelmed with chores
lose the last year of 17

If I died today
I hope
I leave a legacy 
of 
LOVE ferocity Humanness.
Joy jokes generosity 
Growth, REBELlion, truth.

Alignment.

If I died today.
It’ll be because mothers 
are left alone to struggle
Our societies- disjointed

Capitalism impedes wellness 
and society taught me to 
martyr myself so deeply- 
that it Took me-

Too many years To Unlearn.

If I died today
Avenge my death.

Avenge my death: 
rebelling so hard 
against individualist ideals that 
collective mothering is restored

Our wombs are happy and children thrive.

So that if I do die today
With a hemoglobin of 3
fibroids 
heavy periods, adenomyosis, 
anemia, a ferritin of 2 

that my death will count

For something.

Pānquetzani