Mujer, sit down. Are you sitting? 

Yeah.   

Okay hug yourself. That’s me. I’m hugging you right now, okay? I love you and– 

BITCH YOU ALMOST FUCKING DIED.

You almost died! Okay?

We almost didn’t have this conversation!

You NEED TO REST.

NOW is the time that you rely on community, ok bish?

We are here and you don’t have to worry about anything but recovering.

YOU have given so much to so many people, Pānque.

They would be so happy to give to you.

Immediately I think this is a bad idea. My skin cringes at the thought of asking for help since I know so many folks are struggling.

Pānque, how much do you need to take a month off of work?

I already know the answer off the top of my head. My expenses are high. Four children, all of the financial responsibility on my back.

Like money wise? Umm… like, 10k if I include all of our regular expenses.

Okay, I WILL SEND YOU $600 a month and we’ll fundraise from our community.

You need to rest for at least three months.

You can’t just go back to work. It takes three months to build blood.

Pānque, you’ve helped ME. You’ve been here for so MANY mujeres who are just waiting to hold you up. I’ll start the go fund me, and TRUST ME- people will donate, so many people LOVE YOU, girl.

WE NEED YOU ALIVE. 

Estoy abrazándome, head bowed, eyes on the tapestry of my area rug — mind racing with arguments… but I know Vanessa’s right. I nod my head — YES, but I don’t understand yet how much I’ll need support throughout this process. 

Being raised by fierce matriarchs, asking for support is to lower yourself from the pedestal of silent martyrdom.

It’s almost like a badge of honor thrown around to show who’s most righteous, most like Jesus, but thing is… 

I’m not saving anyone from damnation. I’ve been losing my life force sneakily for months. If recovering alone means being closer to death than to life, then sign me up for help.